Men: Overcoming Visual Temptation, Your Heart

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eye ~ Song of Songs 4:9

Thus far in our discussion, we have briefly touched on the first two perimeters of defense in the war on sexual impurity: your eyes and your mind. Today we touch on the third: your heart.

… your objective in the war against lust is to build three perimeters of defense into your life:
1. With your eyes.
2. In your mind.
3. In your heart.

The first two perimeters of defense, your eyes and your mind, deal with the inner man while the third, your heart, looks outward to act in a way that honors your wife (or future wife).

This perimeter is built by strengthening your affections for your wife and your commitment to the promises and debts you owe her. Your marriage can die from within if you neglect your promise to love, honor, and cherish your wife. Honoring and cherising are your key actions in establishing this defense perimenter. (And this applies even if your’re single: You want to honor and cherish every date, just as you hope every guy is honoring and cherishing your future wife when he goes out with her.) (Every Man’s Battle, p. 105)

Honor and cherish are two words that we don’t use much today. Webster’s dictionary defines these words as

honor: to hold in honor (honesty, fairness, or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions) or high respect; revere; to show a courteous regard for

cherish: to hold or treat as dear; feel love for; to care for tenderly; nurture

Honestly, can you choose even one part of either definition and say, “Yes, I do this”? If so, continue to honor and cherish your wife as you have been and even work toward stepping it up a notch.

If you can’t answer that any part of either definition fits your current actions or feelings toward your wife, sadly you are not alone. Take steps now to do all you can to make this the primary goal of your marriage or future marriage. Find a married man who does honor and cherish his wife and ask him to mentor you, read books on marriage that will guide you in honoring and cherishing your wife, ask for a copy of the 30 Day Wife Encouragement Challenge (free by requesting it in a comment or emailing me at claudia @

Whatever you must do to honor and cherish your wife, take steps to make it happen today.


As I said in the introduction, Men: Overcoming Visual Temptation, An Introduction, this subject requires much more than I am adequate to address, but I felt that a response to comments on Five Things Your Husband Wants You to Know (but might not know how to tell you) and some guidance in this area were needed.

I cannot recommend higly enough the book Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker (WaterBrook Press, Colorado Springs, CO, 2000). It will prove to be an invaluable resource for men who are struggling with this issue as well as for the wives and future wives who love them.

Yours for the celebration of life,



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