Two of the most impassioned comments I have received were posted in response to Five Things Your Husband Wants You to Know (but might not know how to tell you). In particular, the comments were in response to
* Just because a man notices another woman doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. If you have read anything about the differences between men and women, you know that men are more visual than women. They are often excited by what they see even more than by what they hear, feel, or smell. It is nearly impossible for a man not to notice a pretty woman, or an ugly one for that matter. It’s something akin to you spotting a sale on that dress you’ve been wanting or the Starbucks signs along the highway; your eyes see it before your brain engages. That’s how it is with men. Your husband might look at a pretty woman as she passes by, but that doesn’t mean he finds her more attractive than you, it just means that his eyes have seen her.
While all of the five things I noted were from Shaunti Feldhahn’s book For Women Only, I was not suggesting (nor do I believe that Shaunti Feldhahn was either) that it is perfectly alright for a man to ogle another woman or to even view her in such a way that would be displeasing to either his wife or to God.
A married man is to view only his wife in a way that brings his eyes pleasure, and a single man should remain pure for the day he will view his wife in a way reserved only for her.
This subject requires much more than I am adequate to address, but I do want to point you to a fantastic book on this subject. In Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time, Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker “shatter the perception that men are unable to control their thought lives and roving eyes” by providing an in-depth discussion about how men struggle with purity of their eyes and minds that can then lead to sexual temptation. They also offer a guide to how to overcome this temptation, beginning with men training themselves, or allowing the Holy Spirit to work in them, to avoid looking at women in the first place.
On page 104, they state
… your objective in the war against lust is to to build three perimeters of defense into your life:
1. With your eyes.
2. In your mind.
3. In your heart.
This can be done.
Co-author Fred Stoeker found himself deep into sexual addiction caused first by allowing his eyes to view women in a way they should not. Through the steps outlined in the book, he has overcome this addiction, and led hundreds of other men to do the same, by first guarding his eyes.
Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time is well worth the price of the book, and is a must-read for all men, married or single, whether they currently face this battle or not.
My prayer is for men and the women who love them to find hope and healing through the process outlined in this book.
Yours for the celebration of life,