Give Your Husband Your Full Attention

There was a time – not all that long ago – that multitasking seemed the only way to get everything done.  I was a manager of a rather large journal account and had clients, employees, and projects that all needed my attention.  As it is for almost anyone who works on a computer today, most of my day was spent juggling phone calls and emails, often doing both at the same time.  Somehow just talking on the phone didn’t seem to take up enough of my being; my eyes and hands were left with nothing to do.

For the most part my phone conversations were short and were problems that were easily solved, ditto the emails, except on those occasions when a meeting was needed to really focus on the problem at hand.

Most of the time it worked.  I could answer a question in email about the proper style of a four-column table while looking up the production schedule for the client who was patiently waiting on the other end of the line.

I think this worked because the tasks were related; it all went together to produce the journal and my eyes, hands, and ears were all occupied at least for a few minutes.

I noticed, however, that the process started to break down when my husband would call on his break and want to know what I had planned for supper, what we might be doing this weekend, or just wanted to fill me in on his day so far.

Invariably, my eyes and hands would need something to do so I’d continue reading email or responding to email while trying to sort out our social life.  As though my being distracted wasn’t enough of a hint, my husband could hear the clicking of the keys as I responded to an email and would sometimes ask if I was typing something.

After a while I got clever and typed slowly while talking on the phone with my husband.  That way the keys were rather quiet and he couldn’t tell I was typing – except that I was still distracted.

I am generally not a rude person.  In fact, I’ve been told that I’m too polite, but it dawned on me one day that it was very rude of me to continue working while my husband was on the phone.  He didn’t call that often and I always worked more than my 40 hours anyway, so his call was not taking away from my work productivity.  Worst of all, instead of strenghtening our marriage by staying in touch, I was allowing our phone calls to be a hindrance for us.

I realized that my husband deserved my full attention.  If I absolutely had to finish what I was doing, I would tell him that and call him back when I was done.  If my task could wait, I would take the phone call in an empty conference room to give him my full attention.

He deserved to have my full attention for those few minutes each day that would help us stay connected and break up the routine of our work.

When your husband talks, do you truly listen to him?  Do you give him your full attention or do you try to multitask and make your conversations fit in with the other important things you have to get done?

When your husband wants to talk, give him your full, undivided attention.  Put down whatever you are reading, look away from the computer screen, turn off the TV.  Whatever might distract you from the conversation should be put far enough away that you won’t see it, hear it, or touch it.

You’ll be surprised how much your husband will find to talk about when he knows that there is nothing more important to you than hearing what he has to say. 

 Yours for the celebration of marriage,


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3 thoughts on “Give Your Husband Your Full Attention

  1. This definitely goes both ways. For guys, it’s usually the television or something that they’re doing where they don’t pay attention.

    It’s a difficult thing, but we all need to practice actually paying attention to our spouse. And to show it, we need to put that paper down, shut off that television, or do whatever it takes to let the people in our life know that they are important.

  2. I wish my wife will surf to web sites like this one to learn more.. haiz..
    The bottomline of my complaint is that she is taking and not giving.. and when i say taking, I mean really taking a lot.. i am literally a slave to her/family..
    I dont get her attention at all in return.. some funny examples:
    1) Dog is sick, she prayed for the dog. I am very troubled by work, nothing happen.
    2) At the living room watching TV.. she feed me a snack.. the fork/snack was pushed all the way to my chin.. she was not even looking..
    3) Regardless of whatever crisis I am in, she will still focus on her own needs, she wont hesitate to show you a black face .. that, of course, add to my stress level..
    4) I worked all nite, came back home to sleep, asked for peace to sleep.. the next thing I know.. the dog licks my face and woke me up.. well, her explanation is that she put the dog in the room cos the dog wanted aircon too. ..
    5) on the bed.. I try talking to her about what i am going thru at work.. she fell asleep..

    Well, the above are small little things.. they add up. I come to a point where i tell myself i cant rely on her for emotional support.. I will have to find that support elsewhere with a working partner or soemthing.. or I have to learn to do w/o such support..

    I ask myself if I could continue to be the slave I was/am. Just continue to provide and shower her with everything she needs.. meanwhile live with nothing in return?

    Learning to live with nothing seems to be the only way out for me.. so that I wont need to be unhappy. ..

    I know that is not the ideal way or ideal couplehood lives.. but what to do? divorce? nar.. I still love her.. and the kids..

    Never tot I will have to write such complaints about my life here in this unfamiliar net page..

  3. Good morning Bruce,

    I read your comment on my blog and am saddened by the issues with your wife.

    I know it seems like she is the problem, but I challenge you to work on your marriage as much as you can. Try working through the 30 Day Wife Encouragement Challenge that I have sent to you to put things in perspective.

    There is also a challenge for wives to do for their husbands, and maybe your wife will want to work through that on her own.

    I have only attached the file for husbands to encourage their wives because that is something you can work on to improve your marriage.

    I pray that you, your wife, and your marriage will be blessed.


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