Is your man one of those strong, silent types? Or maybe he’s just immersed in his work or the ball game and doesn’t talk much about himself or your relationship.
Don’t worry. It’s not about you. Most men find it difficult to put into words the things that are part of who they are. It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell you; it’s more likely that he just doesn’t know how to tell you.
If you take hold of these 5 things that your husband wants you to know and put them into practice in how you relate to your husband, you will see a dramatic difference in your marriage and in how he relates to you.
* A man would rather be respected than loved. Think about that. I mean, really stop and think about it before you read on. How many times have you told your husband you love him just to be met with a blank stare or a mumbled “I love you, too”? Your husband’s self-worth is grounded not in your love for him, but in your respect of him. Tell him you respect him for _________________ (fill in the blank). Be prepared for him to fall off his chair, though, as this might be the best thing he’s heard all day!
* Your husband feels a burden to provide for his family. While discussions about money often escalate to who makes more or who spends more and on what, your husband feels a responsibility to provide for the needs of you and the children. This thought is never far from his mind. Let your husband know how much you appreciate the work that he does to provide for you. Next time you are tempted to buy something you really don’t need, stop and think about how that money could be put to better use. Maybe buy something your husband needs but has been putting off getting.
* Your husband is almost always ready for sex. I read recently that men and women differ dramatically in how their energy is spent and regained. A woman has one battery pack that is used from sun up to sun down. As the day wears on her battery gets lower and lower and she feels drained when she gets into bed at night. All she wants is to turn off the lights and go to sleep because she knows that her battery will be recharged as she sleeps. A man, on the other hand, has his normal battery pack that he runs on throughout the day, from sun up to sun down, but he has a backup battery that is used only for sex. When the opportunity for sex comes along, his backup battery goes into play and even if his main battery is worn down and he was asleep on the couch just a few minutes ago, the backup battery now takes over and he’s ready for action.
* Just because a man notices another woman doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. If you have read anything about the differences between men and women, you know that men are more visual than women. They are often excited by what they see even more than by what they hear, feel, or smell. It is nearly impossible for a man not to notice a pretty woman, or an ugly one for that matter. It’s something akin to you spotting a sale on that dress you’ve been wanting or the Starbucks signs along the highway; your eyes see it before your brain engages. That’s how it is with men. Your husband might look at a pretty woman as she passes by, but that doesn’t mean he finds her more attractive than you, it just means that his eyes have seen her. (Be sure to read the Comments below for some wonderful insight from Tania and jjdacus and check out the response beginning with Men: Overcoming Visual Temptation, An Introduction.)
* Your husband really does love you. Your husband may not know how to show it, but he really does love you and he wants you to know that. Instead of expecting him to read your mind about how to show love to you, why not make a list of some of the things he can do that will make you feel loved? And while you’re at it, do the same for him. Write these ideas on strips of paper and put them in separate jars. Whenever you want to show love to your mate in a way he will understand, pull one of his tags out of the jar. When he does the same for you, you will not only know that he wants to show you his love, you will be helping him understand how he can best show his love for you.
After all, isn’t that what loving and being loved is all about?
Yours for the celebration of marriage,
(*Ideas gleaned from For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn)