Men: Overcoming Visual Temptation, The Eyes

Look to the Lord and his strength ~ Psalm 105:4

In yesterday’s post Men: Overcoming Visual Temptation, An Introduction, three “perimeters of defense” were presented in order to wage war on the enemy of visual temptation that leads to sexual impurity.

… your objective in the war against lust is to build three perimeters of defense into your life:
1. With your eyes.
2. In your mind.
3. In your heart.

My husband and I are continually amused by the number of women on TV who must have body temperatures well above normal. Have you ever noticed that men in TV shows, especially crime dramas, wear long pants, long sleeves, a tie, and often a jacket while the women walk around in tight, low-neck tops and short skirts? Excuse me, but there is definitely something wrong with this picture. Even in the house with the furnace running, my husband is the one wearing shorts and short-sleeved shirts while I am wrapped up head to toe in flannel or fleece and considering wrapping up in a quilt when I sit down. I’ll bet it’s pretty much the same at your house as well.

What it comes down to is, sex sells. Whether it’s a lingerie ad or a big cheeseburger from your favorite fast-food place, if there’s a woman in the picture, she won’t be as fully dressed as the weather calls for.

Because these images come up so fast, whether on TV or at the mall when you least expect it, you must train your eyes to “bounce” away from these images that threaten to draw you in.

Think of the first perimenter (your eyes) as your outermost defense wall with “Keep Out” signs around it. (This first perimeter) defends your eyes by covenant (as Job did: “I made a convenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl”) and you do that by training your eyes to bounce from objects of lust. (Every Man’s Battle, p. 104)

Think of it as bouncing a ball or skipping a rock. The ball or the rock hits the surface for the briefest of moments and moves on. In order to build the perimeter of guarding your eyes, you must practice the art of bouncing your eyes anytime a sensual image crosses your path, be it on TV, in print, or in person.

For more on this subject, I refer you to the excellent book Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker (WaterBrook Press, Colorado Springs, CO, 2000).

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia

Men: Overcoming Visual Temptation, An Introduction

Two of the most impassioned comments I have received were posted in response to Five Things Your Husband Wants You to Know (but might not know how to tell you). In particular, the comments were in response to

* Just because a man notices another woman doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. If you have read anything about the differences between men and women, you know that men are more visual than women. They are often excited by what they see even more than by what they hear, feel, or smell. It is nearly impossible for a man not to notice a pretty woman, or an ugly one for that matter. It’s something akin to you spotting a sale on that dress you’ve been wanting or the Starbucks signs along the highway; your eyes see it before your brain engages. That’s how it is with men. Your husband might look at a pretty woman as she passes by, but that doesn’t mean he finds her more attractive than you, it just means that his eyes have seen her.

While all of the five things I noted were from Shaunti Feldhahn’s book For Women Only, I was not suggesting (nor do I believe that Shaunti Feldhahn was either) that it is perfectly alright for a man to ogle another woman or to even view her in such a way that would be displeasing to either his wife or to God.

A married man is to view only his wife in a way that brings his eyes pleasure, and a single man should remain pure for the day he will view his wife in a way reserved only for her.

This subject requires much more than I am adequate to address, but I do want to point you to a fantastic book on this subject. In Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time, Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker “shatter the perception that men are unable to control their thought lives and roving eyes” by providing an in-depth discussion about how men struggle with purity of their eyes and minds that can then lead to sexual temptation. They also offer a guide to how to overcome this temptation, beginning with men training themselves, or allowing the Holy Spirit to work in them, to avoid looking at women in the first place.

On page 104, they state

… your objective in the war against lust is to to build three perimeters of defense into your life:
1. With your eyes.
2. In your mind.
3. In your heart.

This can be done.

Co-author Fred Stoeker found himself deep into sexual addiction caused first by allowing his eyes to view women in a way they should not. Through the steps outlined in the book, he has overcome this addiction, and led hundreds of other men to do the same, by first guarding his eyes.

Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time is well worth the price of the book, and is a must-read for all men, married or single, whether they currently face this battle or not.

My prayer is for men and the women who love them to find hope and healing through the process outlined in this book.

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia

15 Minutes to Strengthen Your Marriage (Revisited)

This post originally ran on October 3, 2008. In honor of my friends from Indiana to Washington, D.C., who are snowed in today, try one or more of these simple things to strengthen your marriage whatever the weather where you live.

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15 Minutes to Strengthen Your Marriage

In making our homes a sanctuary, Rachel Anne at Home Sanctuary suggested making a list of things we could do in 5, 10, or 15 minute pockets of time to make our homes and lives more livable.

Out of that, as happens with a lot of suggestions I come across, I’ve come up with a list of ways to strengthen your marriage and encourage your wife or husband in 5, 10, or 15 minute intervals on those days when you don’t have a lot of time to give. Soon, you’ll find that some of these items will serve to enhance your marriage on a regular basis and be a great lead-in to those times that you can devote more time and energy to one another.

So, without further ado …

• Take a walk around the block together
• Take a few extra minutes to set the table with the “good” dishes and maybe flowers and candles, even if you are serving macaroni and cheese to your husband and kids
• Call her in the middle of the day just to say “I love you”
• Write a note to your in-laws to let them know how glad you are to be married to their son/daughter
• Ask “What can I do to help?”
• Get up 15 minutes early to prepare breakfast and serve it in bed
• Watch the sunrise or sunset together
• Post a positive blog about your husband and send the link to him
• Come up with a small thing that will make him laugh and feel loved at the same time
• Ask her about her day and listen intently to her answer
• Rub his shoulders
• Call the florist and have flowers delivered to your wife
• Enjoy a quickie
• Rub her feet
• Call your wife and ask her out for a date
• Prepare a healthy snack to share while watching TV
• Apologize
• Spruce yourself up a little before you meet again at the end of the day
• Keep the kids busy for a few minutes to give your wife 15 minutes to herself
• Connect over a cup of coffee or tea
• Choose one item on your honey-do list and complete it
• Call a friend to tell him or her something great your husband or wife has done – and do it when he/she can conveniently overhear you
• Mix up a batch of brownies
• Pick up the latest book from his favorite author and set it by his plate
• Make your own list of 15 minute marriage enhancers

There is no end to what you can do to encourage your spouse in 15 minute intervals once you start thinking about it. Feel free to use my list or come up with a list of your own, but I encourage you to make wise use of your time and invest in your marriage with every free minute you have.

Oh, and I can add another one: build a snowman together.

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia

Small Change Thursday – Got a Minute?

I received this in an email from my sister-in-law. Take a minute to read this, then join us for one minute of prayer every evening – a small change with the potential for a huge impact.

The Power Of Prayer

Someone has said if Christians really understood the full extent of the power we have available through prayer, we might be speechless. Did you know that during World War II there was an adviser to Churchill who organized a group of people who dropped what they were doing every day at a prescribed hour for one minute to collectively pray for the safety of England , its people and peace?

There is now a group of people organizing the same thing here in America . If you would like to participate: Every evening at 9:00 pm Eastern Time (8:00 PM Central) (7:00 PM Mountain) (6:00 PM Pacific), stop whatever you are doing and spend one minute praying for the safety of the United States , our troops, our citizens, and for a return to a Godly nation.

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia

Looking for help in your prayer life? Try one of these books: Simple Prayers, The Power of a Praying Wife, A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World.

What If Revisited

I heard the siren again today, just now in fact, and decided a re-post was in order. This was originally posted in April 2, 2008, but the words are true every day.

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What If … We Heeded the Warning Signal?

The first Wednesday of every month, like clockwork, a long shrill siren sounds near my house. Because I am usually in the house at noon when the siren blows, it usually takes a minute for it to register. But once it registers, my first thought is usually, “Is that a siren?”

After that I look outside and wonder, “Is the weather bad enough that a tornado or some other natural disaster is heading my way?”

If the sky looks clear, and even if it doesn’t, it takes me a minute to remember that this is the first Wednesday of the month, the day that the fire department tests the siren in case a tornado or severe storm is heading my way and I need to be aware of it.

Then, convinced that that’s all there is to it, I head back to whatever I was doing before the sound of the siren entered my consciousness with little thought that maybe I really should take cover from pending doom.

In reality, the siren is meant to spur me to action, to get me to a safe place, not to give me time to logically consider whether I need to run for cover. My first response should be to grab whatever necessities I might need to weather the storm and head for cover. Only after my needs are taken care of and I am in a safe place should I allow myself to process the fact that the sky is blue and it’s noon on the first Wednesday of the month.

What if … we heeded the warning signals in other areas of our lives? What if we ran for shelter first then processed the situtation logically?

I believe if we ran when the siren sounded in our own lives, in our conscience, we would suffer far fewer consequences of our own actions.

The next time you are about to do something and your conscience warns you against it, flee first, taking whatever you need for the protection of yourself and your family, then only after you and your family are safe from pending disaster, whether it be an extramarital affair or fighting for your own selfish desires, consider what might have happened if you had not heeded the warning.

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia

Incredible books to strengthen your marriage

ScumBuster Xtreme vs The Shower

After yesterday’s post (Marriage Monday – You Have My Heart), I’m sure you are all wondering if the Black and Decker ScumBuster Xtreme is as powerful a tool as it appears to be.

Let me tell you, any tool smaller than most books that requires a person to wear gloves and safety glasses is worth a second look.

This morning, in a flashback to the days I was faithfully following Home Sanctuary, I decided to take a few minutes to tackle the shower. After all, my husband bought the BD SBX for such a time as this.

Let me tell you, that shower was sparkling in no time. With a few squirts of Nature’s Choice Natural Bathroom cleaner and my new rechargeable BD SBX, the scum was gone, the shower floor nearly blinded me, and I was doing the happy dance in a matter of minutes!

Just for your edificiation, in case you are wondering about other methods of shower cleaning, I’m posting my top five shower-cleaning methods and their results.

5. Do nothing and wait for the cleaning fairies to arrive – Works as long as you have eyes like mine and can’t see much without glasses or contacts. After all, who wears glasses in the shower?

4. Wait for the cleaning lady to arrive – see #5.

3. Wait until your husband is fed up with the shower and decides to clean it – see #5.

2. After showering, use a rag to wipe the shower down and spray with a daily spray-on, no-rubbing shower cleaner – pretty much like #5 above.

And the number one way to clean your shower?

1. Leave it go for so long that your husband goes out and buys the Black and Decker ScumBuster Xtreme.

Just pray that he doesn’t give it to you for Valentine’s Day, your birthday, your anniversary, Christmas, or any other socially accepted gift-giving occasion.

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia

Marriage Monday – You Have My Heart

A special thanks to e-mom for hosting Marriage Monday and for early posting of the topic How to Celebrate February 14 Every Day of the Year.

You see, I’m a muller. I might have an idea for a post or a writing, often in the wee hours of the morning when brain activity seems to have few inhibitians, but I generally have to mull over a topic before putting pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard.

Over the past few days I’ve come up with a few different ways to go about this topic. Since I’m not the overly romantic type, that’s more my husband’s domain, I settled first on a more spiritual approach: respect and delight. That post will come another time, but not today.

After a few more ideas came and went, it wasn’t until we were sitting on opposite sides of the room with our respective laptops in our respective laps that the truth of the matter hit me.

We were playing online euchre with a couple three states away and had Phil Keaggy’s CD Covers playing in the background. After a spectacular loner hand – all you midwesterners that play euchre will know how wonderful that is – I heard Phil in the background singing You Have My Heart.

Eureka! That’s it! No matter what we are facing: on-going budget talks, garbage that needs taken out, time that needs to be spent together or alone, good times or bad, he has my heart and I have his, and neither of us has any reason to doubt that.

Oh, I could go on about kisses in the morning and at night and when either of us leaves the house or even the room, holding hands when we are out together, having his arm around me at church, frequent calls during the day that all end with “I love you,” or even the Black and Decker Scum Buster Xtreme that came home with him from a recent shopping trip.

But the truth of it is

In the morning I see you
Yours is the smile that sets my day apart
All through the day you have my heart

In the afternoon when I feel alone
That’s when I see you smiling at me
That’s all it takes

Evening comes with sunset
To close a day filled with yearning to be home
Closer to you is where I want to be

You have my heart
And I am blessed with who you are
You have my heart
All through the day there’s nothing better
Nothing as sure, this heart is yours
This heart is yours
This heart is yours

I love, babe. God gave me a “good and perfect gift” when He gave me you.

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia

Be sure to stop by e-mom’s blog for fantastic posts on this special Marriage Monday.

Interviews with Joanne @ One So Blessed

One advantage of this snowstorm in the south is that I’ve let my fingers do the walkin’ on this little Gateway netbook and found some great Christian blogs that have been added to my favorites list.

One of the blogs that has been added to my favorites is One So Blessed.

For the month of January, Joanne will post interviews with her “Blessed Guests,” friends such as Tonya Stoneman, editor of In Touch magazine; Jesse Florea with Focus on the Family, editor of Clubhouse Jr.; James Watkins author and editor with Wesleyan Publishing; Jodi Skulley, editor of ParentLife(Lifeway) magazine; Glynnis Whitwer, editor of P31 Woman magazine; and Elaine at Peace for the Journey, another of the blogs that has been added to my favorites this weekend.

Join Joanne at One So Blessed through the month of February and learn more about some of our fellow sojourners in this Christian walk.

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia

When You Cannot Stand … I AM

I spent pretty much all morning looking for this song. I heard it on the radio earlier in the week and searched the internet to find it. I had some of the lyrics wrong, which made it much harder to find. I was running out of ideas when I found it at christianlyricsonline.com.

If you are going through a rough patch, this will give you assurance of God’s presence. If things are going well, this is just a good reminder that God is in all that is around us.

I Am – Bebo Norman

Come along, I’ll walk you through the world
And we will sing a different song
All along you have unfurled
But I will hold you from now on
I saw the day when you had lost your way
I saw the sun sinking low
I saw the night, remember how you cried
But don’t you know you’re not alone
No, you’re not alone

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand…I am

Come with me, I’ll take you to the sea
And it will be all beautiful
And all the water that covers everything
Cannot compare to my love
For you my love

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand…I am

When the light won’t come
When your breath is gone
When your hope is done
Just look at me, look at me

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand…I am

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia

Small Change Thursday – Keep the Change

I don’t know about you, but I find that most of my big changes, read starting a diet, happen on Monday. It seems I need those few extra days to psyche myself up for that all-important change from snacking on chips and chocolate to snacking on carrots and celery.

Since many people see Monday as a day to start on those big change items, I decided that Thursday would be a good day to tackle some small changes. Thus, Small Change Thursday has taken form.

The changes will vary widely, and will range from money-saving changes to diet changes to romantic changes to who knows what. In fact, if you have ideas for small changes that can make a big difference, let me know.

Today’s small change is to keep the change. That’s right, but it’s not as confusing as it first appears.

By keep the change, I mean your literal change: pennies, nickles, dimes, and quarters. Keep your change to spend on something that requires a few dollars or lots of dollars depending on your goal.

As for me, I keep the change and spend it on those all-important, but infrequent, cafe mochas, half the chocolate, hold the whip. If I have lots of change, I make it a grande.

What little (or big) indulgence would it be worth keeping the change for?

Yours for the celebration of life,

Claudia